Seven Steps to Facing and Processing Disappointments

East Cobb Counseling

Sometimes what didn't work out for you - worked out for you!

By: Dr. Stephen Wise, PsyD, CCTP -

Life is full of disappointments, ranging from minor letdowns to devastating blows that feel impossible to recover from. Disappointment is a complex emotion, often intertwined with sadness, a sense of loss, or even failure. While disappointments are inevitable, how we process and respond to them shapes our ability to move forward. As the image I posted reminds us, sometimes what seems like a setback may actually be clearing the way for something bigger and better.

Disappointments arise when expectations go unmet—and let’s be honest, living without expectations is nearly impossible. From a young age, we are surrounded by societal, familial, and personal pressures that only grow as we navigate adulthood. These expectations drive us toward success and happiness, but they also make us vulnerable to disappointment when life doesn’t go as planned.

To help you face and move through these moments of disappointment, I’ve outlined seven practical steps for processing emotions and moving forward productively:

1. Acknowledge and Feel Your Emotions

The first step in healing is to allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions—sadness, anger, hurt, or even despair. Give yourself the space and grace to adjust to what has happened. While it’s important to feel your emotions, don’t let them consume you indefinitely. Healing begins here, but survival requires forward movement.

2. Practice Acceptance

Denial keeps you stuck. Accept what happened so you can shift into a problem-solving mode. Reflect on past experiences where you overcame setbacks—what strategies helped you regain your footing? Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up; it means letting go of resistance so you can reclaim your momentum. Dwelling on negativity can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. A positive outlook can help you maintain emotional balance, reduce the mental toll of disappointment, and foster a sense of hope.

3. Resist the Trap of Self-Pity

After acknowledging your emotions and accepting reality, avoid falling into self-pity. Dwelling on "why me?" will only drain your emotional energy and keep you from feeling empowered. Disappointments can actually empower growth and often reveal areas where you can learn, improve, or pivot. By focusing on the lessons within the setback, you turn what feels like failure into an opportunity for personal or professional growth.

4. Let Go of Self-Blame

It’s easy to internalize disappointments and blame yourself, but often, many factors contributing to an outcome are beyond your control. Recognize the difference between accountability and unfair self-blame and show yourself compassion.

5. Keep Perspective

Put this experience into context within the broader scope of your life. Ask yourself: how significant will this moment feel a year from now? Challenges are opportunities to grow stronger and more resilient. Life’s "speed bumps" may feel jarring, but they prepare us for navigating even greater challenges.

6. Reflect and Learn

Every disappointment holds a lesson. What has this experience taught you about your goals, priorities, or values? In my own journey, a significant disappointment helped me realize what I truly wanted from my career, leading me down a new and fulfilling path. Give yourself time for reflection and be open to the possibilities that follow.

7. Take Action

Channel your energy into identifying the next opportunity. The excitement you felt for what didn’t work out can resurface as you pursue new goals. Don’t let pessimism or fear of failure hold you back from future prospects. With each new step, you’re moving closer to something better. How you handle difficulties can inspire those around you. Demonstrating positivity can encourage others to face their own challenges with grace and determination.

Summary

Disappointments, while painful, can become turning points in our lives. By processing our emotions and staying focused on the bigger picture, we not only recover but often emerge stronger, wiser, and more prepared for what lies ahead.

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Origami for Mental Health

By Dr. Stephen WIse, PsyD • December 23, 2024

Origami, the traditional Japanese art of paper folding, offers much more than beautiful creations—it’s a hands-on activity that fosters creativity, patience, and focus. For neurodivergent children , origami can be particularly beneficial as a therapeutic tool and a form of self-expression. Its structured yet flexible nature provides a calming activity that helps to develop fine motor skills, enhance spatial reasoning, and build confidence. Origami’s repetitive, step-by-step processes can be soothing for children who thrive on routine, while the tactile engagement of folding paper offers sensory input that can help with self-regulation. Additionally, completing an origami model provides a sense of accomplishment, boosting self-esteem and encouraging perseverance. Origami offers numerous benefits for adults , including stress relief, enhanced mindfulness, and a sense of relaxation. It improves cognitive skills like memory, spatial reasoning, and problem-solving while also enhancing fine motor coordination. Emotionally, origami fosters creativity, boosts self-esteem through a sense of accomplishment, and serves as a therapeutic tool for managing anxiety and trauma. Socially, it promotes connection through group activities and cultural appreciation. Additionally, it has practical uses in decoration and problem-solving, making it a versatile and enriching activity for adults. In this introduction, I will explore how origami can be adapted to meet the unique needs of neurodivergent children and adults. Improved Concentration and Mindfulness: Origami requires attention to detail and concentration. As you follow instructions and manipulate paper, your mind becomes fully engaged in the present moment. Practicing mindfulness through origami can enhance cognitive abilities and improve overall focus. Enhanced Fine Motor Skills: The delicate nature of origami encourages fine motor skill development. Precise folding and coordination between fingers improve dexterity. This benefit is particularly relevant for children and older adults who want to maintain or enhance their motor skills. Boosted Creativity and Problem-Solving Skills: Origami encourages creativity by allowing you to transform a simple sheet of paper into intricate shapes, animals, or objects. Solving folding puzzles and experimenting with different designs stimulate problem-solving abilities. Sense of Accomplishment and Self-Esteem: · Completing an origami project provides a sense of achievement. Even simple creations can evoke feelings of pride. · This boost in self-esteem can be precious for individuals dealing with anxiety or depression. Social Interaction and Bonding: Origami can be a social activity. Participating in workshops, classes, or group sessions allows people to connect with others who share their interests. Collaborative origami projects can strengthen relationships and create a sense of community. Therapeutic Applications: Origami is used in therapeutic settings for various conditions, including stroke rehabilitation, injury recovery, and mental health issues. It promotes cognitive function, hand-eye coordination, and emotional well-being. Cultural Appreciation and Connection: Learning origami exposes individuals to different cultures and their artistic traditions. It fosters an appreciation for the beauty of simplicity and minimalism. Stress Relief and Relaxation: The repetitive and focused nature of folding paper encourages mindfulness, helping to calm the mind and reduce stress. Engaging in a creative activity like origami provides a mental break from everyday concerns. Practical Applications: Origami pieces can be used for gifts, decorations, or personalized items. The principles of origami have applications in engineering, medical devices, and design. In conclusion, origami is a powerful yet simple tool that promotes mental well-being by fostering relaxation, mindfulness, and creativity. Its accessibility and versatility make it an effective practice for reducing stress, enhancing cognitive and emotional resilience, and facilitating social connection. Origami’s adaptability makes it a powerful tool for parents, educators, and therapists seeking accessible ways to support neurodivergent children and adults in their growth and development. By embracing this ancient art, we not only help children and adults build confidence and resilience but also foster a sense of accomplishment and wonder that carries over into all aspects of their lives.

Family Support for PTSD

By Dr. Stephen Wise • December 19, 2024

Post by Dr. Stephen Wise, December 18, 2024: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a psychological disorder that occurs in response to experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, such as a severe accident, natural disaster, combat, sexual assault, or other life-threatening situations. It can cause intense, disturbing thoughts and feelings related to the trauma that persist long after the event has ended. Supporting a family member with PTSD requires a sensitive, compassionate, and informed approach. Below I have listed strategies that are tailored to family dynamics. Understand Common Symptoms of PTSD Intrusive Memories: People with PTSD often experience unwanted, distressing memories of traumatic events. This can include flashbacks where they feel like they are reliving the event and nightmares that disrupt sleep. The intrusive memories also create intrusive thoughts – which are uninvited reminders of the trauma. These intrusive thoughts tend to increase during vulnerable states of exhaustion, depression, or other stressful events. Avoidance: Individuals may go to great lengths to avoid places, people, or activities that remind them of the trauma. They might also avoid talking or thinking about what happened. This will often lead to "hyper-vigilance" when in public places. Negative Changes in Thoughts and Mood: PTSD can lead to feelings of hopelessness, emotional numbness, and detachment from loved ones. It can also cause memory problems, particularly related to the traumatic event, and lead to negative beliefs about oneself or the world. Hyperarousal: This refers to being in a constant state of heightened alertness. Symptoms include being easily startled, tense or "on edge," having difficulty sleeping, and experiencing angry outbursts. This too, can cause “hyper-vigilance”. Understanding How PTSD Feels Overwhelming Fear or Anxiety: Those with PTSD often live in a state of fear, even when there is no danger present. The trauma feels as if it is happening again, and the world may seem unpredictable and unsafe. Isolation and Loneliness: Due to the avoidance of triggers and emotional numbness, individuals with PTSD might feel disconnected from others and struggle with relationships. Shame and Guilt: Many people with PTSD feel guilty for what happened or ashamed of their reactions, even if they had no control over the traumatic event. There is a tendency to "internalize" traumatic experiences and begin to feel responsible for them in some way. Understand Treatment and Recovery Treatable Condition: PTSD is a severe mental health condition, but it is treatable. Effective treatments include therapy (such as cognitive-behavioral therapy or EMDR), medication, and support from loved ones. Recovery is Possible: With appropriate treatment and support, individuals with PTSD can manage their symptoms, regain control over their lives, and work toward healing. Guidelines for Supporting a Family Member with PTSD Listen and Validate: Allow your loved one to talk openly about their trauma but at their own pace. Acknowledge their feelings without judgment (remember if they have internalized their feelings about the event, they may already feel guilty). Encourage them to Seek Professional Help. Offer to help them find a trauma therapist and support their treatment plan. Create a Safe Environment: If their home feels like a safe haven, this will minimize their triggers and reduce stress and flashbacks. Understand that healing from PTSD is a gradual process – there will be good days, and bad days. Help them adopt healthy coping skills: Encourage self-care and activities that promote relaxation and well-being (exercise, hobbies, or mindfulness). Understand and Respect Their Boundaries. Expect that they may need time alone to process their thoughts and emotions. Respect their need for personal space without taking it personally. Practice Self-Care: It is important to take care of your mental health. Consider joining a support group or seek counseling for yourself. Be Consistent. Trust is a crucial component of PTSD recovery. Provide consistent (rather than erratic) support to your family members. Emergency Preparedness: If your loved one faces severe symptoms such as suicidal thoughts, it is essential to have a plan in place – know emergency numbers to call, and other resources that may be part of a suicidal "safety plan” (if your loved one is in therapy, a safety plan will have been developed by their therapist). Finally, Celebrate Their Progress: Recognize and celebrate the small victories in their journey to recovery. This kind of positive reinforcement can be encouraging and build motivation. Conclusion Family support is a crucial part of the recovery process for someone with PTSD and may require a long-term commitment. By creating and fostering an environment of understanding, patience, and consistent support, you can help your loved one navigate the healing process.